There has been a lot of political discussion about the tragedy in Haiti. Below is a list of several possible explanations, gathered from the internet and TV. Please vote for what you believe is the most likely cause of the disaster.
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Category: Humor
Gasoline Meet Fire, Fire Meet Gasoline – Government Conspiracy to Fight Conspiracy Theories
“Conspiracy Theories” by Cass R. Sunstein and Adrian Vermeule is making the blog controversy rounds.
Background – Cass R. Sunstein is Administrator of the White House Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs in the Obama administration. The paper was written two years ago, before Sunstein became the Information and Regulatory Affairs Administrator. It’s unknown if Sunstein still holds the views in this paper, but it’s fair to ask if Sunstein still holds these views.
The two lines in the paper that have set people off: (1) Government might ban conspiracy theorizing. (2) Government might impose some kind of tax, financial or otherwise, on those who disseminate such theories. The paper discusses these options, but does not conclude to follow either of these options.
The paper does, however, conclude the way to combat groups formed from conspiracy theories is by the government infiltrating the groups to break them up–In other words, a government conspiracy to fight conspiracy theories.
Half the paper dives into the psychology behind conspiracy theories, or as Ric Romero would say “people hold beliefs that are not based in fact.”
The other half of the paper weighs how governments should deal with conspiracy theories, and some of those suggestions are just like pouring gasoline on conspiracy theory fires.
Excerpts from the paper –
Our ultimate goal is to explore how public officials might undermine such theories, and as a general rule, true accounts should not be undermined.
When civil rights and civil liberties are absent, people lack multiple information sources, and they are more likely to accept conspiracy theories.
Our principal claim here involves the potential value of cognitive infiltration of extremist groups, designed to introduce informational diversity into such groups and to expose indefensible conspiracy theories as such.
What can government do about conspiracy theories? Among the things it can do, what should it do? We can readily imagine a series of possible responses.
(1) Government might ban conspiracy theorizing.
(2) Government might impose some kind of tax, financial or otherwise, on those who disseminate such theories.
(3) Government might itself engage in counterspeech, marshaling arguments to discredit conspiracy theories.
(4) Government might formally hire credible private parties to engage in counterspeech.
(5) Government might engage in informal communication with such parties, encouraging them to help.
Conclusion – Our goal here has been to understand the sources of conspiracy theories and to examine potential government responses.
Some conspiracy theories create serious risks. They do not merely undermine democratic debate; in extreme cases, they create or fuel violence. If government can dispel such theories, it should do so. One problem is that its efforts might be counterproductive, because efforts to rebut conspiracy theories also legitimate them.
We have suggested, however, that government can minimize this effect by rebutting more rather than fewer theories, by enlisting independent groups to supply rebuttals, and by cognitive infiltration designed to break up the crippled epistemology of conspiracy-minded groups and informationally isolated social networks.
The underlying argument in the conclusion is akin to declaring war on war, but not calling it a war. To support fighting the cognitive dissonance of conspiracy theories with cognitive infiltration requires a great deal of cognitive dissonance.
My favorite part of the paper – What causes such theories to arise and spread?
Words and Phrases in Political Commentary and What They Really Mean
Don’t take political commentary at face value. This list explains the code for commonly used words and phrases in political commentary and what they really mean or are trying to say.
Biased – Holds views I would never entertain for a second.
Bipartisanship – My ideas are good ones and the opposition is partisan, because they don’t agree with me.
Brainwashed – Fundamentalist views different from my own fundamentalist views.
Change – From a politician, it means, “I’m not an incumbent.”
Code for – I take nothing they say at face value.
Conservative – Somewhere to the right of my views.
Cover-up – Not emphasizing what I think is important.
Democracy – My opinion is in the majority; in this case its OK for 51% of the people to tell the other 49% what to do.
Disinformation – You should listen to my bias, not the other side’s bias.
Extremist – The views farthest away from my own, and I consider them dangerous.
Face value – I’m about to take what they said and change it into something completely different.
Fascist – Picks on different groups than I pick on.
French – Effeminate.
Fundamentalist – They have strongly held, opposing views I consider dangerous.
Hates America – Political opponent pointed out something negative about America.
Ignorant – Prefers a different flavor of propaganda.
Indoctrination – They teach kids things I would not.
Informal – Secret.
Liberal – Somewhere to the left of my views.
Parrot – This isn’t the first time I’ve heard this and disagreed with it.
Profit – From liberals it means bad vs. from conservatives it means good.
Racist – An opponent who made any reference to race.
Radical – The views farthest away from my own.
Regular American – People that think the same way as I do.
Seems to suggest – Like the definitions on this list. I heard what they said but I know its code for.
Selfish – Not giving me what I want.
Serve the people – Should be doing only what I want.
Socialist – Somewhere to the left of me.
Spam – I didn’t agree with that the first time I heard it.
Stratigist – Bullshit artist, spin doctor.
Wingnut – Views so far from my own, I can’t discuss them and will instead call them names.
Zombies Fed up with Discrimination
The latest round of race relations being discussed in the news has created a flurry of emails from zombies reminding me of how poorly they are treated in society. Zombies face an abundance of ignorance, intolerance, and hate on a daily basis. This is a summary of the most common racial intolerance zombies face.
Zombies are upset about the insensitive comments made towards how they stink, talk funny, are stupid, and are slow.
Zombies are tired of hearing , “All you zombies talk funny; it’s brains, not ‘braaaaaaaaaaains.’ Get a job, deadbeat zombie. Go back to Hell, where you came from. Kill a zombie for your mommie.” Humans can’t seem to say zombie without saying “stupid zombie.”
Backhanded compliments from humans: “You have nice skin, for a zombie. You are smart, for a braindead zombie. At least you aren’t French.”
There are no laws to protect zombies from discrimination. Zombies are barred from voting, jobs, homes, marrying, education, and police protection. Zombies are only protected while in a grave, and even there they have to defend themselves from necrophiliacs.
There is no double standard in the news where Zombies are concerned because there is only one standard. There aren’t any networks or news shows with a zombie bias. News programs don’t have hours of debate when a human makes a racially charged anti-zombie comment. No one has ever been asked to resign because of an off-color remark about zombies.
Hollywood clearly has an anti-zombie bias. Other undead creatures like ghosts and spirits are treated as heroes. How many love scenes have you seen between a zombie and a human? There are zero romances with zombies, but Vampires get laid all the time.
Zombies are racially profiled without fail. Humans don’t stop and ask themselves before chopping one in half, “Maybe this one isn’t a bad zombie?” If a human dare speak out in defense of zombies, they are quickly labeled a zombie-lover.
Just because they are Life-force challenged is no reason for the unequal treatment zombies receive in society.
The Future of Civil Disobedience in America – I WANT YOU Ziggy Stardust
4chan users were upset with YouTube for deleting the account of Lukeywes1234. 4chan let YouTube know just how upset they were by launching a porn bomb protest at YouTube on January 6th, 2010. YouTube will be busy for days cleaning out all the hidden porn from the 4chan group.
What would happen if 4chan were angry with Washington D.C.?
The tried and true ways of protesting through signs, emails, calling and faxing don’t seem to be very effective. In the future, I hope people will start launching protests similar to the 4chan model.
A selective service protest could be launched by walking into the post office and getting a few cards to fill out with bogus information. If there were millions of fake registrations, the system would be useless.
Around 100 million tax returns are filled every year with the IRS. How well would the IRS function if another 100 million returns were fake?
The 2010 census forms will be out soon–with enough effort, Alaska could become the most populous state.
Each government agency or program has a plethora of forms that can be filled out for free. All these agencies are susceptible to a denial of service attacks through an abundance of requests for service.
How about a cell phone app to alert others when your civil rights are being violated? A GPS-equipped phone with this app would quickly alert every liberty-minded person in the area to rush to the scene. Your civil rights will be better protected when several people are live streaming video of encounters with the police.
If you’d prefer your email not be read by the NSA, then spamming the world with emails incorporating terms the NSA screens for is an option. “Ziggy has the bomb in his underpants”
Start an internet rumor similar to the one that caused chaos when utility payment assistance was offered by the city of Detroit. “The President will be giving away federally owned homes to people at his next speech. Under each seat will be a certificate for one foreclosed home.”
These are just a few ideas for the future of civil disobedience; with the right amount of anger and creativity, it will be possible to catch the conscience of the king.
The Plan is Here and it’s Called Freedom-Care
With skyrocketing costs caused by dollar devaluation, income taxes, and healthcare reform, these questions are on many Americans minds: “How much longer can I afford to live in a free country? Isn’t it time for a plan that makes freedom affordable to all?”
First off, Freedom-care won’t be mandatory; you’ll be able to opt in or out at your own choosing. Most of all, it prevents the federal government from denying your freedom when you need it the most.
Protections
Under the Freedom-care plan, each person will be able to choose the plan that suits their personal needs best. You won’t be forced to choose from a list of bureaucratically-approved activities. You can spend your freedom however you like! Finally, a real choice for your life is in your hands.
No one can be denied Freedom-care based upon preexisting conditions such as political affiliation, religion, lack of religion, race, gender, age or violating victimless crime laws. Basically the only way you can be turned down for Freedom-care is if you steal or harm another Freedom-care participant.
Provides stable and maintainable freedom insurance by providing for a well-armed defense. Members are allowed to participate in supplementary freedom insurance programs if they so desire.
Eliminates government preventative care – Under freedom care, the government can no longer tax you for bad behavior. You’ll be free to tan, smoke, drink alcohol, or have all the sugar you can afford because you are fully protected from government interference.
Caps out-of-pocket taxes so you won’t go broke while enjoying your freedom.
Creates an independent commission called “voters” to monitor the program and identify waste, abuse and fraud.
Benefits
Wide and ever-growing religious freedom – If you like your current religion you can keep it! You can’t be forced to choose from a preferred religion list.
Quality and affordable choices – Freedom-care participants can use their wealth in a manner of their own choosing. Freedom-care has the world’s largest list of products from around the world which members can choose to buy, and the list is still growing! You’ll get to decide what you can afford all by yourself.
Words – Freedom-care users have free access to use any word available–even words from other languages. Use the words however you like and feel free to share them with others at no charge.
Ideas – The idea bank is so large, quite frankly I’m not sure what’s all in there; but they tell me the bank holds an infinite amount of ideas. Just as with words you can share these ideas as often as you’d like.
Tell Congress the time is now for Freedom-Care…
Its time to drop the H-bomb on Terrorists: Hasselhoff-Bomb
There has been lots of debate the last few days about what motivates a person to become a terrorist. There are two camps on what causes terrorism: the “its all ideology” camp and the “it’s all unintended consequences” camp. Both groups are correct, because either can generate terrorists; I see unintended consequences as the symptom and fundamentalist ideology as the disease.
Terrorism is rooted with an ideology that sees itself in danger of extinction. Yesterday I mentioned the Boko Haram. It’s a militant Islamist group that basically sees western or non-Islamic education as evil. The followers of Boko Haram reject the notion the earth is a sphere. It stands to reason they feel they are being attacked by western science, because science has the innate ability to deal some serious damage to ignorance.
There are several parts of the world that are under “attack” from western science and culture. Baywatch was a popular show around the world and from some people’s perspective just flat-out anit-burqa. In truth, the views and ways of life all around the world are being challenged–but not intentionally challenged–by the west. Most people will speak up in defense when they feel their values are under attack and state the virtues behind their beliefs. Terrorist choose the violent path because they believe there is a sinister plot behind opposing views. They are the ones that see Baywatch as a western plot to destroy their culture. If you thought someone was plotting your demise, you might attack back too.
From the terrorist perspective–they feel that their way of life is under attack and those around them are slowly being corrupted–what should they do? Just follow the anarchy. Pull yourself out of the corrupt society and set up your own pure society. The regions with little or no government control are the best place for terrorists to set up shop. If everyone is armed with rifles to defend themselves, a terrorist won’t stand out. No government to monitor or crack down on their activities. From the protection zone of anarchy, you can start freeing the world from satanic plots. As long as there are regions of anarchy, terrorists will have safe bases of operation.
Dynamics of terrorism – how wars of terrorism are fought on both sides
Side A – declares war on side B but side A has little to no army.
Side B – is the opposing government or ideology of side A
Side A – can’t fight side B on an open battlefield because they would be wiped out and instead picks civilian targets to attack.
For terrorists, the justification for murdering civilians is that the values the terrorists are defending is more important than human life. If you are willing to die for these values then others should be just as willing to die, and if they aren’t willing to die for those values they weren’t a good person to begin with. For governments, the justification of stepping on civil rights is that all your civil rights are gone if a you are killed by a terrorist.
The side that does the most harm to civilians will probably lose hearts and minds. The harm isn’t measured only in causalities. When terrorists cause the public to be afraid of normal day to day activities, they become the bad guys. When governments crack down too hard, as in house-to-house searches, they become the bad guys.
The calculation often overlooked is how people view potential harm differently from real harm. You don’t normally sympathize with someone causing you real harm in order to prevent future harm.
Examples – The current group of terrorist argue their way of life is threatened by the opposing ideology or government. They are arguing that harm will come in the future whereas someone being killed by a bomb is a real and tangible harm. When the terrorists set off a bomb and people die, they represent the real harm.
The government argues for searching people and residences to protect the public from harm. If the government starts strip searches to prevent terrorist from blowing people up, it’s the potential threat of a bomb vs. the reality of having your privacy violated. When governments violate civil rights, they represent the real harm.
Blowback or unintentionally creating terrorists happens when in fighting terrorism the government does more harm to civilians than terrorists have done to civilians. Terrorist set off a bomb that kills 100 people–and while hunting down the terrorist, the government kills 500 people. The terrorists are still jerks; the problem is in doing even more harm, the government has legitimized the terrorists for attacking in the first place. From the uninvolved civilian perspective, the government is now the bad guys; their enemy appears to be the good guys, so where do I sign up?
I’m not empathizing with the terrorists groups, but I have to agree that western civilization is a powerful force and is corrupting civilizations around the world. I’m also very proud of “corrupting the world.” When I heard that Baywatch was a popular show in the Middle East, I felt a sense of American pride. Baywatch is no work of art in a literary sense, but its something to be proud of in that free people produce the things that people around the world want.
I too believe the world is slowly being conquered by western culture and technology. The culture of free societies will always dominate high-control societies for the simple fact we give people just want they want without any regulation. I watch news and documentaries from around the world and I see western clothing and technology everywhere. Hollywood and the media, through the use of technology, have become one of the most powerful forces on the planet.
So far the damage done to these fundamentalist groups ideology has been unintentional. The west has unintentionally created freedom junkies, because once you’ve had a taste of freedom you are hooked for life. I think its time to start intentionally damaging their culture with as much free and open access to information and entertainment as possible. The west is getting blamed for intentionally trying to corrupt other cultures, so why not start actively pursing their “corruption?” It’s time for governments to team up with the tech industry and entertainment industry to plan a bombardment of portable media players and laptops and highspeed internet access to all the information and entertainment deprived areas of the world.
Baywatch ’em back from the Stone Age!
Paris Hilton 2012
Donofrio v. Wells – Buried in the US Presidential 2008 elections, there was a case challenging the ballot process. The Supreme Court declined without comment to hear the Donofrio v. Wells case. The case (PDF) challenged Senator John McCain and then Senator Barrack Obama’s eligibility to hold the office, because there is no law that you have to prove US citizenship to get on the ballot. One of the candidates on the same ballot was Socialist Workers Party candidate, Roger Calero. Roger Calero has never hidden that he was born in Nicaragua.
The media did some reporting on the case but failed to mention Roger Calero was not a US citizen. Example – this Washing Post article mentions Roger Calero, but the article is focused on the politics that motivated the case and not the merits of the case.
Qualifications for President of the United Sates • 35 years old or older • Must be a natural-born U.S. citizen • Must have lived in the United States for fourteen years.
This case pointed out that anybody could get on the ballot. Here is Paris Hilton weighing in on politics during election. Paris Hilton isn’t old enough to run for President, but there is nothing to prevent Paris from getting on the ballot.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jg46t2FBG6k&feature=PlayList&p=38D00C7A0CE37DAC&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=2Worst case scenario would be after being elected President, it is discovered someone didn’t meet one of the three qualifications. If the President had signed bills into law would the laws be null and void? It would be utter chaos in the Congress; their fights would make South Korea brawls look like folk dances.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJdZ0TocTlo&feature=relatedPicture John Boehner stabbing Nancy Pelosi with a US flag pole–that’s how bad it could get.
Some people say the qualifications are now irrelevant and useless so there is no point enforcing them. The people who wrote the US Constitution seem paranoid from our perspective two centuries later because they suffered from a host of abuses. Just because it seems paranoid now doesn’t mean its not a valid concern.
Picture 2012 rolling around and Paris Hilton runs on a 3rd party against Obama and Palin(all three are celebrities; it could happen). Hilton wins the “throw the bums out vote.” The Electoral College could refuse to vote in Paris Hilton, but I have to wonder if the members of congress would refute the will of the people and uphold the constitutional requirements.
Paris Hilton 2012 – isn’t that worth being paranoid about?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiCH5jPgtuM Lil’ Obama
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEd-0rSF2IsPresidents Obama’s approval ratings have been going down. There has been a flood of negative comments about the President on the social news sites. It might be time for Comedy Central to start working on a Lil’ Obama show.
There should be enough material to work with. I see a running joke with Lil’ Obama wanting to grow up to be the President of the United States. Others poking fun at Lil’ Obama for believing a black man could ever get elected as President “Lil’ Sarah has a better chance of becoming President.”
The opening clip of the show could start with Lil’ Obama running through fields in Kenya. The clouds parting for light to shine on Lil’ Obama as he runs home pulls out a box of crayons and makes his own birth certificate.
There is a big cast of characters to work with for this show. Lil’ Orly Taitz would be there trying to prove Obama doesn’t live in the school district. Lil’ Chris Matthews would always be following Lil’ Obama around with heart balloons popping from Lil’ Chris’s chest when Lil’ Obama speaks. Lil’ Bill Ayers trying to talk the kids into setting off stink bombs in the school. Lil’ Glenn Beck always questioning if Lil’ Obama was following the schools rules. Lil’ Alex Jones trying to get Lil’ Obama to play “the Joker” in a school play.
When a fight breaks out at school, Lil’ Obama asks the kids fighting to come to his house for a Kool-Aid summit. Lil’ Rush and Lil’ O’Reilly warn the kids not to drink Lil’ Obama’s Kool-Aid because its spiked with something that turns you into socialists.
Another running joke is Lil’ Obama continuously working on an eighteen-point plan to clean up his room. The room, of course, is a huge mess left by the previous occupant, Lil’ Bush. Lil’ Obama continuously tries explaining to his mom why the room isn’t getting cleaner. Lil’ Obama reminds his mom the mess is really Lil’ Bush’s fault, and comes up with new definitions of the word “clean.” In the end, his mom gives Lil’ Obama a gold medal for trying.
The time is now for Lil’ Obama!
Zombies Angry About Being Drawn into Global Warming Debate
I’ve received many complaints from zombies that they do not wish to be compared to mindless humans. The comparisons are most prevalent in the global warming debate. Statements such as “skeptics are brainwashed mindless zombies” or “AGW believers are alarmist’s cult of zombies” are fueling zombie resentment towards humans.
As one zombie put it – “We have no brains to wash! We are zombies; we don’t know how to organize. Where do humans get off calling us a cult?! The only thing zombies are alarmed about is a brain shortage.”
I asked a zombie for his take on the global warming debate and was surprised by the candid answers.
When asked about graphs showing a rapid increase in global temperatures the zombie had some passionate and unexpected responses.
“Hockey stick bad, hockey stick hurt, hockey stick should be baaaaaaaaanned.”
I then showed graphs showing no change or temperature drops.
“Looks like broken glass. Urgh. Hurts to look; take away.”
Graphs indicating climate change supporting man made climate change or graphs disputing climate change were met with similar pained expressions.
“Make it stop, all look the same. No more graphs, you sadist. I’m just a zombie. How the Hell should I know if the planet is warming?”
I was still curious to find out the zombie perspective on the global warming debate, so I pushed the zombie for more information by threatening to bring the graphs back out if he didn’t answer.
The consensus among humans is that climate change is real and man-made. Is there a consensus among zombies?
“Zombies like humans to argue about climate change because it makes their brains tender. Zombies don’t spend time deciding if something is popular or not, because zombies have never been popular.”
The zombie was very optimistic about climate change based upon the possible scenarios.
If climate change real and man-made
Human leaders develop plan to change human behavior.
Human leaders all agree on same plan. (Zombie chuckles)
All Humans follow the plan. (Zombie laughs up a lung)
Zombies rule!
If climate change real and some man-made
Humans argue and argue about what to do.
Climate warms, more humans die, zombies rule!
If climate change real and not man-made
Most humans not thinking about this. Some humans talk about it; zombies plan to eat their brains.
Zombies rule!
Climate change unknown
If all humans die…zombies die.
“Humans worry more about possibility than probability. There is a possibility life on earth could be destroyed by global warning while the probability over time that life on earth will be wiped out by an asteroid is near 100%.
“Humans could learn from zombie behavior. Once humans discover we have taken over an area, they band together and attack the local zombie hangout. They always forget the natural behavior of zombies is to wander; they forget to look in the cellars and abandoned factories which inevitably leads to a sequel.”
I began to feel a bit sorry after inflicting pain upon the zombie and decided to stop displaying the graphs. There is a strong consensus on the dangers of listening to mindless zombies, so I decided it was time to end the zombie’s pain and cut off his head with a chainsaw.
Stupid mindless zombie won’t get my brain!